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Quote Song Lyrics
奇迹等你来迎接
04:07 a.m. Wednesday, September 16, 2009
"Great tranquility of heart is his who cares for neither praise nor blame."
Thomas Kempis
12:55 a.m. Wednesday, September 9, 2009
救世宣言 - 理论
救一个人就是救一个家庭。
救一个家庭就是救一个社区。
救一个社区就是救一个国家。
救一个国家就是救了整个世界，整个地球。
帮助不嫌多。
一份心相等十万分力。
你自己就是救世者。
‘拯救自己也同于拯救一个人’
07:34 p.m. Thursday, June 18, 2009
Saw a quote on a van
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
11:50 p.m. Thursday, April 23, 2009
Enlightenment
Martial art is practised only when instinct becomes self consiousness. The art of guidance - Various forms. Animal forms, improve logetivity. Morality. 型，气，神 为最高境界。
静是战乱前该达到的境界。习武之人，德是第一。
12:02 a.m. Monday, April 6, 2009
开心
Another Enlightenment :
她说："黄昏中的彩虹，彩虹中的黄昏...艺术"
好美的一句话……
张开了双眼，黄昏的暗淡依然存在着七彩的微笑……
反个方向思考观察，苦脸的彩虹倒过来，就能看到嘴巴带着微笑的天。
艺术道路不就是如此吗？
张‘开’双眼，用‘心’思考：简称，开心。 这就是我的人生 。
04:21 a.m. Sunday, March 22, 2009
the entertainment circle is only but an illusion... just want to know wat blurs and what is clear ..
backbone is needed to stand straight and tall, something is sucking it plate by plate away...
going to find it back , coz never gonna let anyone fall.
maybe no one will understand .. maybe this is the last time that i could ..
"Angels Or Devils" by Dishwalla
this is the last time
that I'm ever gonna come here tonight
this is the last time - I will fall
into a place that fails us all - inside
I can see the pain in you
I can see the love in you
but fighting all the demons will take time
it will take time
the angels they burn inside for us
are we ever
are we ever gonna learn to fly
the devils they burn inside of us
are we ever gonna come back down
come around
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold
this is the last time
that I'm ever gonna give in tonight
are there angels or devils crawling here?
I just want to know what blurs and what is clear - to see
and I can see the pain in you
and I can see the love in you
and fighting all the demons will take time
it will take time
the angels they burn inside for us
n are we ever
are we ever gonna learn to fly
the devils they burn inside of us
are we ever gonna come back down - come around
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could break us
if I was to give in - i give it up
- and then
take a breath - make it deep
cause it might be the last one you get
be the last one
that could make us cold
could make us cold
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could^ make us cold
11:44 p.m. Friday, January 16, 2009
死亡
今天坐巴士回家的路上，看到一名摩托司机躺在路上，一动也不动，血丝沿面而降。我不停的祈祷，一直祈祷着。害怕，好害怕他身亡。几年前的车祸，又再次漂浮我面前。我暗自说着:如果能让他活着，我不惜用我能够再生的机会，换取他的生命，巴士经过他时，回想起当时政府组屋居民是如何为我盖一层又一层的被为我取暖。失血过多会让人全身发冷.不停在我耳边说话，让我没睡去。非常内疚没下巴士告诉在现场的警方这两点。可能能救他一命的这两点…
在回家路途中，我回想刚才对佛祖说的话，“如果能用我再生的机会换取他的生命”觉得好愚蠢。假如换取一条好汉就好，能造福社会。但是假如他活了后过着烂而不堪的生活，那我不是很对不起我身边的人？我的死去让他们伤心，加上假如我能过的比较好的生活来帮助并造福人群的话，那用我再生的机会换了他，不就浪费了吗？我并没像佛祖那么伟大，救人一命胜造七级佛图。试想佛祖会做什么决定呢？我的想法是否正确？
心里又为他感到悲伤，但还是在心里说了收回刚才那句话。希望我用“南无阿米驼佛”在回家的路程，保佑他。 念着念着，害怕念不够，到家门口还在念，很怕念不够造成他的死亡。
原本和女友吵架的我，最终，从这事件了解到了一个道理：原来在死亡面前中，一切生活琐碎的事已变得好渺小，好渺小…
也看开了，不再气了，因为在生命和死亡的面前都已不再重要…
11:14 p.m. Friday, October 24, 2008
[鍗忓拰] Balance and Harmony in this world
Thought about a lot of things along the way home in a bus.
In this world, I always believed that there is balance and harmony. Juz like yin and yang [when there is yin, there is yang] , positive and negative, good and bad, they are always present in this world to neutralise each other to achieve balance and harmony in this world.
Similarly, when there are things happening in this world, There are also reasons why things happen. Maybe heaven plans things or incidents to appear in our lives for a reason. Maybe its heavens plan to let us learn something and benefit from it ! :)
when something is fake, there lies a truth within.
When there is a 'yes', there is a 'no'
when there are stress[ie. stress and unhappiness becoz of certain things or ppl], there is happiness and ease[for us to find and neutralise the stress].
when there is somethign difficult, there lies something easy within [for us to find].
when there are "baddies" , there are "goodies" to neutralise them [me!]
when there are crossfire arguments of different viewpoints, we can always take the good points out from each view to form a beneficial neutralised solution.
MOST ImPORTantly, the point i want to bring out is:
When there are problems, There are solutions. Problems exist becoz there are solutions . Solutions exist becoz there are problems. Things creating lots of problems , but fret not, becoz there already exist solutions (remember the point about : world in balance and harmony). Solutions already exist, juz that we have to find it, though it might take a long time, or it might juz be found in an instant. So dun worry since there exist a solution for every problem, every problem that appears in front of us [no matter how hard of difficult] can be solved. Ease our minds a bit and take away the stress and tensions that is guiding us in the wrong way, the solutions juz might pop right out naked before our very eyes. Since we are so unhappy and stress becoz of pitiful events, there must be happiness and bliss to come. (something for us to work towards).
In conclusion, world is in harmony and balance. we right the wrongs. we turn pessimists to optimists. we change problems with solutions to our benefits. we take provocations with a laugh.
we take ourselves out ffrom the picture for a moment and look inside, relief our stress a little , laugh at ourselves and laugh at them, then we go back in and search for the solution lying within, the solution that is waiting for us to uncover !
p.s: easier said than done though. but i strongly believe if something can be said, something can be done. harmony and balance. difficult or easy, they will soon neutralise. we will all work it out. can be worked out. no worries. Have a peace of mind, but also have an alert mind to neutralise the peace of mind. :)
02:04 a.m. Wednesday, July 16, 2008
观点沟通……
"then 就不要生 lor！" 好伤人的一句话。为什么总是在商量讨论观点时，她这么容易发脾气呢？我只是好好讲让她明白我的一些观点，但并不是要她一定要我的观点这方面作。为什么在解释自己的观点时需要大小声呢？为什么一定要硬逼我望你的观点与方向行驶呢？世界上没有一个人有同样的观点与想法，每个人都有自己的观点。就是因为经过沟通才得到一个好的妥协方法。为什么连沟通的机会也没有，要一味的强迫我向你的想法方向走呢？ 其实我也知道你并不是故意的，毕竟你是女子，心情比较有起伏，比较难控制。没有机会解释我的观点你就kup我的电话了，所以只能借写信来解释我为什么有这样一个观点。只希望我们以后能心平气和的讨论根多事，不要那么容易就发脾气或不开心。讨论过后定能找到妥协的方案，即使没有答案，也知道对方为何有这种想法，了解想法的原点。
其实，我只是想说，我不太明白为何人生需要别人来预知并引导你走上无风险的路呢？自古以来，父母为孩子取名是天经地义。直到最近，不知从哪掀起了算命取名的热潮。想想，其实我们真需要无谓的跟随世人的想法走吗？
算命是否是对的？听天由命，还是违背天命？谁又能知道呢？适当的改善生活是对的，过度依赖算命来主宰生命并是错的。以个人观点来说，我会比较prefer返璞归真，让人生万物的自然规律来拟定命运。
取好名会比较长命吗？长和短又从何所起呢？长又没意义的生命，还是短暂却意义非凡的生命可贵呢？不知道。因人而异。全部是个未知数。只知道，寻求意见来取一个好名来规划一个新生命的诞生，有点违背自然规律。阴阳对称，假如天下人都从算命高人取好名让生命根美好，天下就没坏命了吗？有长必有短，有好必有坏。有了多一个好，就会从中拿走一些，增加一个坏。世间万物的协调很难推翻。
其实我的观点是很简单，不是事事都一定要追求完美的好命。好于坏很难分辨。不靠算命，为自己的孩子取我们认为的好名，因为名字，未来会怎样，我们不知道，也不需要真的知道。爱孩子的心一定永远不变。孩子的人生道路会如何，命运会拟定的。做好人的本分，不要强求命运，命运自有安排。顺着自然规律，与人生最基本的目标，以能做到的努力最求幸福，是否会成功，上天自有安排。
命运？算命？还是听命？胡搞瞎搞，只不过想寻求改善生命，希望借助上天的帮忙。
是否算命会哲寿？会遭天遣？ 是因为违背了生命的自然规律吗？ 没有答案，只有上天知。
什么是对？什么是错？不知道…… 可能过了明天我的观点就换了。我也不知道。只知道，现在的我，迎接万物最原始的《自然规律〉，prefer to 以‘尽量不算名’来过生活。不一定，可能明天我就去找算命大师来引导我人生的方向。因此我的重点是，想让你知道为什么现在的我会有这种观点，并不是我一定会这么做。:) 男人嘛，只求爱人知我心。女人嘛，只求……（不知道？！ 写信告诉我吧！ :)
03:18 a.m. Sunday, May 18, 2008
Risk Aversity of Lizards
as i was walking home .. i saw a lizard on the wall from a distance and it was moving towards an insect. then as i was approaching, on the verge of savouring his meal(he was so so close to it) it saw my approach and ran away.
this leads me to learning one thing, in life, certain times we have to be risk averse and certain times we have to take risk. a lot of ppl in this society, can always only see the benefits they can gain when doin something and certain times they cant see the danger that it brings. becoz of a thing that is so delicious and they are so near to enjoying the great meal, they don't really care that a danger is approaching and they will try to take the chance to juz extend out their hand and grab it. but in this case, if the lizard do decide to eat his meal regardless of my approach, it could easy be crushed by me ( which i of coz wouldn't do so.. amitabha). it is clever to run away first...
as i move away, it start approaching its meal again. but this time round, the meal is further away and it had to crawl a further distance.
It made me realise this whole m5 thing, and a lot of other thing that once happen in my life, fits in this situation. taking the whole m5 thing for example, from the start, it showers us with so many benefits and opportunities. when offered a contract( the meal) we would be so happy to take it up becoz its only juz a signature away. though we know that there are certain thigns that the company is not good at, we are too eager to take it up and eat it without caring about the negative things that is approaching though we know it will happen. juz like the lizard, we know danger is around. but the differenct between us and the lizard is that, the lizard knows how to curb its hunger and wait for better chances to savour its meal in peace, and we juz want to fill our stomachs first even though we know that we are in danger zone.
This is a lesson that i learnt from a lizard. To protect itself first(of its top priority), being risk averse, though it had to go to great efforts of crawling a longer distance to find its meal again when danger(me) is further away from it.. Meals are everywhere, some come with greater dangers, some come with less. can we curb our hunger and move towards a meal tat requires more effort becoz its further away from us (so that we can eat it peace) or will be take up a dangerous meal and risk danger to ourselves ? :) this is a question that i will ask myself next time if opportunities appear :) towards a better goal or a more sumptous and dangerous meal? are we able curb the greed, protect ourselves as first priority, and use our own effort to move a longer path towards our goal ? :D
haha.. dont laugh at me! coz many things happen in my life that fits into this scenario and it leads me to a lesson learnt from a lizard. think this somehow fits into the M5 scenario and ur dream, so decided share with u ! :D how risk averse are u ? :p
p.s : i walked away without seeing the lizard consume its meal ( amitabha ) cant bear to see it. but i know it can now fully enjoy its meal in peace after goin thru great lengths to avoid me..
03:00 a.m. Monday, May 12, 2008
Quarrels
Nobody is perfect. What matters is how one doesnt keep repeatedly doing the same thing and changes for the better. have u realised the whole point of it?
02:38 a.m. Tuesday, April 22, 2008
哭
能哭多好……
02:26 a.m. Saturday, April 19, 2008
难受
好难受……好难受……好想好想哭。
有时 只希望她能想想我的感受…… 有时，有时……
是我想太多，你总这样说…… 但你却没有站在我的角度。
有时只要求你站在我的角度想想。 当你一口决绝把他在你的msn 删除，我的心顺时破碎。不了解，只知
道他在你心里好重要…… 我好累，好辛苦.. 真的有那么难吗？
11:32 p.m. Friday, January 18, 2008
烦恼
咳……有时真不懂我是做错作对。好想好想送她回家……但是却又害怕她会有压力……真不知如何。不送她回家却又好担心好担心……
12:43 a.m. Wednesday, January 9, 2008
自私的我，没顾虑到对方的感受 ……
当她怀疑我时，怀疑我对她有所隐瞒，我心里真的好痛好痛。因为我并没有。这是否意味着旁人所说的所作的，会影响我和她的感情？是否我们的爱情真的那么脆弱？
想清楚时，并不是。而是我俩这几天睡眠不足，情绪不佳，所以导致两人想太多而情绪失控。
小宝贝，我真的好爱你。 对不起整天都让你觉得自己不好，其实我真的和你在一起很开心很幸福。都怪我每次都太sensitive了。不会在有下次了。我一定不会。会改的。
12:33 a.m. Monday, January 7, 2008
泰安你必须要铭记这些曾相通的人生道理！
邪恶的那方只能给人一时的快感和虚假的满足感与快乐，真正真实的快乐与满足感只有正义的那方能给予…
做人必须脚踏实地，不能因为别人所提供的一点好处，而在捷径的道路上奔驰…… 到最后一旦别人把好处一拿走时，道路就会消失，车子最终会因为失去了方向而遇上车祸……不但梦想的目的没达成，还会被打成原型，离目的地更远……靠自己一步一步的朝向目的迈进才最真实……虽然没跑车快，但目的地一定会达成！有时可能可以搭一下顺风车，但是不能搭昏了头，要牢记脚的原本功能始终是用来走路不是用来踩油门。
这世界的种子事情只有黑或白……要一直站在白的那一方……黑色会不断的引诱拉扯……有黑色引诱的思想时是灰色的，叫人搞不清……最好只把白色的思想付诸于行动……一旦把那灰色的思想付诸于行动，黑色已不知不觉把你渐渐吞没……总的来说，意思是指只把肯定的耿直的思想执行，不确定的灰色思想（白沾有黑色的邪恶污染）把它放着不去执行，直到很确定是对的白色的才付诸于行动……要懂得很清楚的分辨是与非才执行那思想，才不会被黑暗或邪念给诱惑带走……
有时世界看似复杂，思想一旦通了，就会发现这世界其实很简单…… :)
01:37 a.m. Wednesday, December 5, 2007
梦想
好想五岁的我，和五岁的你，牵着彼此的小手，漫步在雪白的沙滩上。我紧抱着你，让你靠在我胸怀，从我们的小世界里，看着太阳深起…… 彼此微笑着看世界的美丽浮现在眼前……
05:10 p.m. Thursday, November 29, 2007
内疚
最近，睡眠不足，情绪遭透了…… 让女朋友做代罪羔羊，真对不起她……
12:57 a.m. Wednesday, November 21, 2007
不能表达自己的痛苦……
比起会用各种方式来抒发情绪的人、 不能表达自己的，是如此的痛苦如此的悲哀，你了吗？为有言语没法形容时最痛，欲哭无泪的感觉，又有过几回？痛
苦是否能用言语形容？
因为太了解人世的悲哀、人世的黑暗，经历过一切的一切，所以一切都看得如此透明。创造梦般的极乐世界，就为了让受伤过的心有躲避之处，保护并隔离
可悲的现实人生。 把她带进自己创造的世界，就因为不想让她受到伤害，单纯的她，又怎能知道现实人世的恶劣？ 但是，无法经历，又岂能明了？到底是
否我保护她，为她创的美好世界是个错误？
她太单纯了，总是有种不安，怕她受到这现实丑陋世界的伤害与欺骗。 只想保护她，在我俩的美丽小世界…… 如此爱她…… 如此简单 ……
04:36 p.m. Wednesday, October 17, 2007
不知道为什么, 有一股很强烈的冲动想立刻看到她。
飞奔到了学校看到她安详地睡着，旁边放着的是课堂讲义。应该是读到很累了吧。
很惊讶她和我一样，竟然穿了粉色 T-血。但是因为在赶来学校的途中，有鸟粪掉落在衣服上，
所以又回家换了一件衣服。她应该不知道有许多次这样的巧合，但应为无情命运的作弄，我们常错过了对方。
许多东西，应该说明吗?
应该不需要吧……
感觉最重要吧，无需开口也能感觉对方，沉默的时候，用眼神也能有心灵交流……
因为了解，所以沉默？
哈哈 ……
哈哈哈 ……
01:02 p.m. Tuesday, September 18, 2007
我好想哭
▓▒ says:
maybe not like u said .. u still loved him ..
XX says:
i dunno...
我好想哭…… 上天请你救救我好吗？ 好辛苦。好痛。
祈祷
忽远又忽近灰色的天 飘著雨
擦乾又溼透哭红的眼 吹著风
故事将慢慢被带过
在电影散场楼梯口
秋天树叶悄悄在凋落
一片又一片 回不去的承诺
10:47 p.m. Monday, September 17, 2007
爱
我想，我真的好爱好爱她…… =) 这次很肯定了。是爱。是真爱。唯一一个我想和她白头到老的女生。唯一一个我想娶作老婆的女生。和她就好像在西游记一样，历经了多少困难、挫折与沧，才从茫茫人海中找到彼此…… 她会是我第一个和最后一个深深爱着的女生吗? 只想照顾她、保护她、让她幸福快乐。永远的爱是否就由我与她来证明、永恒的幸福与快乐是否会存在？只要她愿意，我就会不顾一切去证明，坚定的爱情、幸福快乐的爱情、永恒的爱情，是存在的。排除万难，坚定不移。她是否会牵着我的手，和我以相同的步伐迈向幸福的未来呢？
01:19 p.m. Sunday, September 16, 2007
我真的受伤了
好痛…… 救救我 ……
我会放手
词/曲：Reymond Liu
甜蜜的话我不太会说
心在想什么你从来不懂
对自己坦白过才发现有多难受
你曾说过还不是时候
现在只能做个好朋友
为什么这句话对我来说
好像是个借口
我会放手
如果你说你不爱我
与其两个人不快乐
不如让彼此都自由
我会放手
虽然这不是我想要的结果
在你往前继续走后
不要回过头就让爱悄悄地溜走
12:30 a.m. Tuesday, August 21, 2007
好伤心
心好痛好痛。其实，很想听到她对我说叫我别再抽烟，我就会为了她立刻永远都不再碰…… 为什么这么简单的一句关心她都说不出能 ？她明知道我并不会为自己做任何事，但我就会不顾一切为了她。戒烟我轻而易举就办的到，只要她一句话。我自己孤独的戒烟过程，是多么的辛苦，多么的想放弃。其实我就是需要那么一点鼓励，让我根加有信心走过这艰辛的过程。今天她的一句“想抽就去抽”刺痛了我的心……真的真的好伤心，真的真的因为那句话而受伤了 ……
01:49 a.m. Friday, August 17, 2007
好痛… 我真的好爱她……
好痛。真的好痛。真的好想哭，我快要崩溃了。我的心在淌血。我的心真的真的好痛好痛好痛。死了。
02:11 a.m. Monday, August 6, 2007
忘了吧
时间会让我忘记她吧 …… 第一次这么深的喜欢着一个人…… 不喜欢的却能等上四年。这一次我需要多少时间才能忘了她？十年吗？我知道时间一定能让我忘记一切。应该吧。
11:48 p.m. Friday, August 3, 2007
能让我了解你吗？说不出的话…
你不想谈一场会让你后悔的恋爱
她不想承认你爱上的是一个错误
你不想你的初恋只剩下愚蠢跟可笑
你不知道为什么曾经那么喜欢他
宁可看不见他对你所有的欺骗
你好讨厌你这样的自己
你讨厌那个提不起放不下的你
你明明知道不值得
可是你的心为什么就是那么痛
哭吧
有我在你身边守护着你
你会没事的
哭过以后
让我们一起勇敢的面对未来好吗？ ……
为什么我几乎天天都在梦里见到你?
01:27 p.m. Friday, August 3, 2007
守护天使的悲哀…
是时候结束一切了吧… 有多许的舍不得，但爱并不属于我… 正如我悄悄的来，我会悄悄的离开… 不喜欢我的她，应该会找到自己的幸福吧？这两天过得很平凡，但很幸福，因为有她在身旁。原来“平凡也是一种幸福”… 美梦总有结束的一天，是时候离开了……
11:25 p.m. Sunday, July 29, 2007
痛…
一个人的自私，是另一个人的毒药…
他因为放不开，犹豫不决，三心二意，整天因为寂寞，而让情绪奔放，说后悔与她分手，说自己有多痛。
可是，他可知道，这对她有多不公平吗？他可曾为她想过？他的犹豫不决，他的自私，会让她痛得无法呼吸… 她能否解脱并不是时间的长短能解决的。只要那个男生，又因为寂寞而又想用情绪来解闷的话，用言语来燃起过去的美好时光，那可怜的女孩何时才能得到解脱？为什么人会那么自私？为什么他不曾想过别人？
如果爱她，就放她走。果断一点。自己痛，自己曾受。男人要顶天立地，不能让身边的人因为自己的不果断而受伤。要明白自己的自私，会带给身边的人无比的痛苦…
如果真的爱她，就坚持到底，轰轰烈烈的爱一场，无论怎样都别放手，和她开往幸福的车站，直到永久…
请别在让她伤心流泪了好吗？她真的好痛好痛你知道吗？
爱不是辛苦的，爱应该是幸福快乐的…
我只希望能看见她那纯真无邪的笑容，就像我第一次看到她一样。快乐才是属于她的，别把它夺走，还给她吧 …
我求你好吗？
成长虽不容易，但你也是时候要学着成长，学着面对生活的点点滴滴…
03:51 p.m. Sunday, July 22, 2007
Someday ..
Someday, when I'm ready, when it's time, I will leave this place in search of happiness. A place or a world, where only me, my wife and my kids exist. How noisy and crazy the world might be, we can only see and hear each other. There's peace and serenity. A place where smiles are triggered 24 hours a day ...
White-haired old man and beautiful aged wife, and of coz our most beloved kids ... and also ... the beautiful nature that accompanies us through our life span ....... =D ahh ! so wonderful ! :) Someday .. Someday ...when its time to leave everything behind ...
will she come with me?
03:04 p.m. Sunday, July 22, 2007
浪漫!
她好浪漫哦！比我还浪漫!
脚断了的女孩，瞎了眼的男孩 ……
男孩背着女孩往幸福的道路前进 ……
男孩的那双腿是她的脚，女孩的眼睛是她的方向！
好浪漫哦！哈哈。好恶心！
最喜欢那双会说话的眼睛 …… 好美，好迷人！
01:26 a.m. Wednesday, July 18, 2007
她的痛，她的无奈 …
人在高潮的时候享受成就，人在低潮的时候享受人生 … 好与坏之间，只是换个立场看自己而已 …
--------
她唱歌唱得我好想落泪。我听到了，感觉到了她的痛，她的无奈。上天能让我承受她所有的痛吗？只给她属于她的快乐可以吗？
-------
昨天晚上作了梦，梦里又有了她。她到一件餐厅等我，sms 了我那间餐厅的位置，但是我却没看见那sms。当我终于晓得她在那里时，我不顾一切，飞奔过去。但是天色已晚，当我到达餐厅时，餐厅已经关了。我找不到她的踪影，我好但心，好但心。拼命到处寻找…… 快崩溃了，你到底在哪？我好担心，好担心你，你知道吗？
正在我彷徨不知所措的当儿，电话铃声响了。是她的来电…
“喂？泰安！我正搭地铁回家了! 你呢？！”
“xx ! 你在那里！我找你找的好苦! 你去了那里！担心死了！”
她在电话的另一端，偷笑了，可爱的笑了… 似乎在对我说：你终于肯承认你是喜欢我，关心我的！那种可爱的笑，是被爱的幸福笑声…
当然，我还是假装很生气的样子，对她说：
“我好生气！为什么不留在餐厅外面等我来？害我找不到你！”
她又轻声的笑了，说 ：
“假如我在餐厅外等你，天色又这么黑,不是跟危险吗？傻瓜！”
我说 ：“也对 hor ! hehe”
这一秒，好想立刻跑到她面前，给她一个拥抱，紧紧地抱牢…
此时此刻，我那刚强的一面，被她彻底的溶解了。我的心融化了，只有在她面前我会有如此奇妙的感觉，因为我好爱好爱她…
我想这种感觉就是所谓的爱的感觉、幸福快乐的感觉吧…
这是种最美的平凡吧？单单纯纯的恋爱 …
10:57 a.m. Sunday, July 15, 2007
肩并肩，伸手就能碰到永远吗？
昨天，睡觉时作了许多梦。梦里她出现了好多次。很巧的，今天是她第一次约我出来。我对她的感觉好奇妙，不知道如何形容。是喜欢吗？
不可能吧。有可能吗？我想应该是我还知道什么是喜欢和爱……
对她是对妹妹一样的感觉吗? 想照顾想保护一个人是喜欢吗？
08:25 p.m. Sunday, June 24, 2007
再见
再见 又一年
再见 多少年
再见 永远的永远
到最后败给时间
10:17 p.m. Tuesday, May 15, 2007
再见 …
阿公说他要飞了… 召见了子子孙孙。
等我们到来时，他以不大能认人了。
阿公叫了我的名，却没对我说些什么。
但我们彼此心里都明白。
看着阿公那双历尽沧桑和无数岁月的眼睛，我向阿公点头。
不需要说，我知道了。
阿公你放心上路吧，你安心的飞吧…
10:21 p.m. Sunday, May 6, 2007
梦的旅途……
永远记得陪我度过二十二岁那天的流星朋友们。他们是曾经划过泰安身边的流星。会珍惜一切。二十二最开心，最幸福。
感谢篇
从前从前,有个男孩
他常会想望能回到那年他二十二
只需要好好上学生活单纯没忧愁
他就像一朵蓓蕾满怀希望
一场二十二岁的青春洒脱岁月就这样结束。
笑着向往未来，泪流着回味当初。
那年他二十二。
一场纯真的友谊
记得青春时所努力创造的美好回忆…
青春已不再为你我停留
珍惜那瞬间的风华时光
留住那永恒的幸福光芒…
（吃着蛋糕，听着歌曲，回想四月十二号所发生过的一切一切，不尽感动落泪 ……）
这就是我们年少的疯狂……
04:53 a.m. Friday, April 13, 2007
累了…
总觉得她似乎在玩弄我的感情。难道女孩子都觉得我很好玩？
何时才会有真心的另外一半出现？
可能是我太多心了吧。我想，这样判断她是对她很不公平的。在看看吧…如果发生什么事，我也任命了……
02:27 a.m. Sunday, April 1, 2007
我恨我，好恨好恨。
我又错了。我到底几时才能领悟？我根本对她没感觉，却又因为寂寞，答应成为她的男友。我不停的骗自己去爱她。
不爱她，为何又和她在一起？为什么我要这样伤害她呢？是分手的时候了，不可以再拖了。我为什么每次总要伤害那些深爱着我的人呢？为什么？
对不起。我真的好恨我自己。心好痛好痛 ……
02:22 a.m. Sunday, March 25, 2007
看尽潮起潮落淡淡忧愁的双眼 …
输了你赢了世界又如何……？
03:40 p.m. Monday, March 12, 2007
Paradox ...
(Middle of conversation ...)
Me: things are true becoz ppl belief in it. so my point is .. if u believe in something, it is true. and therefore u will get it . hahahaz .... so is love true or not ? hahaz.
think about this. DEANGELO VS PURE love .... wat do u believe in ?
ABCD: now is the time for deangelo!!! we are young and horny!!love will come when love comes:P
Me: so i tell u now. women are not like us. some yes game to play. but most, aren't .. after all they are gals they have emotions. they think not with their body like man do ... so ... let me ask u ... if u .. would u choose to hurt those ppl around juz for ur pleasure and satisfaction ? morally it tells u its wrong. physically u want them.... hahaz... wat opposing thoughts eh .... wat do u think ? what would be ur choice facing this dilema ? be the bad fuck with no immoral or be the wussbag who can never fuck those great bodies ? haHAZ? phyiscal or mental enjoyment ?
ABCD : depends on situation see the girl want to play anot:P if i know she has feelings of course i will be very careful.u know wat kind of person i am wat hahaha.i have not tried yet all these funny shit. but if really the orportunity arise i will assess quite carefully .
Me : all these funny shit is really not difficult. u have no time to access situation .. let me tell u .. when u are in certain things, u can never see clearly ... no one can .. after all , all of us are humans .. even the gal also cant see clearly .. she might be game for it this moment. . coz u made her hornny .. and u might be game for it this monment coz u horny too .. and both of u are high on alcohol ... but u see the next moment, when everything's done u get wat u get, then u start to see things clear .. it starts to appear to u clear .. u start to think more logically. then u see many problems arise ... then u see u access , whether ur decision at that point of time is a right one. whether ur "assesment" of the situation is a correct one ... nd then u start to realise that fact that every human in every point in time. no matter old mature immaturre young or wat or watever, can never see clearly when they are inside situations. no one can ever. coz we are only humans. if anyone could, he would be god. human makes mistakes endlessly, we know our mistakes only when they have been made hasnt it ? so do we try to make more mistakes so that we can see and learn from it ? how does this paradox sound ? hahahAHAz wat the fuck am i talking about man ... i cant even understand . wat is life man my fren ? tell me ... hahahaz.
ABCD : hahaha! make mistake then make la. i also made mistake with that girl . still living in it now... i want to pull away also hard. dunno how. but now i learn. i noe not to do it again.
Me : just like u , accepting cigarettes ppl offer, of coz u have enuf self discipline to control in ur point now. coz u can never see a point in life urself as a regular smoker. only when the time comes, then u said, yeah. i've made that mistake. i regretted. but wat could u do ? becoz u can never see clearly. and u wouldnt make the decisino u have make in the first place. now. u tried to quit. coz its bad ....but how many years of life have u wasted in realising that ?
""[ABCD] says: but now i learn [ABCD] says: i noe not to do it again]""
<<== wait until something happen in the future. u will disagree with urself at that particular point in time.
ABCD : lol.hahaa... you better try to quit leh...
Me: u get wat i mean ? hahaz /// nvm my thoghts are very luan .. i cant even understand them myself . hahaz .. sianz arz ... ! another one of those nites where u get all lost. hahahaz.
ABCD : hhaha!! blog ba :P
Me: then tml u will find urself back again to this world. hahaz. good idea... next time will laugh at myself when looking back ... hahaz.
( End of Conversation ..)
12:09 a.m. Wednesday, February 21, 2007
无奈的现实 …
听他们说他的癌细胞已扩散到很多地方了。虽然他们没说，但大家都知道他的时间不久了。虽然没人感承认这事实，但从他们放空忧郁的眼神，我看到了默默承受现实的痛苦与无奈。妈妈说，半夜如果电话响记得叫她或帮她听。虽然妈坚信那不是事实，但内心深处已经很害怕那天的到来。但她不知如何表达她的忧郁。我……感受到了这种无奈……
09:02 p.m. Tuesday, December 12, 2006
隐形阶梯…
从前，有位男孩。看见的只有天堂，拥有的是从天而降的一双翅膀。只顾着锁定追求登上天堂。谁知翅膀在翱翔的途中竟然断了，又跌会原点。他一直徘徊在原地，却不知道只要用心看，其实隐形的阶梯就会出现。唯有一步一步克服眼前的各个阶层才能实实在在的抵达天空。真正的自由来自爬梯而登的高处，而不是一直盼望天赐的翅膀能带他翱翔天空。因为翅膀消失时就回到当初的原点。感谢劉玠其指点，他终于打开了眼睛看他一直不愿看的隐形阶梯。是时候克服每个阶层，也同时望着天空，努力迈进。
"一心只想登上最高阶层，却忽略了眼前隐形的阶梯。成天想着天降下一双翅膀，助一飞登天之力，但却忘了翅膀断时就掉入原地。唯有看见眼前那隐形的阶梯，循序渐进，才能实在地看到遥远的天空。"
01:10 a.m. Tuesday, December 5, 2006
感恩篇
好爱我妈妈。她总是无微不至的照顾我。但是最不了解我的人竟是她。嗨！在她眼里我永远都是三岁小孩吧！
02:44 a.m. Wednesday, October 18, 2006
好累好累，好痛好痛……
已走到了尽头，死了。
11:31 p.m. Thursday, September 28, 2006
"人生愈经挫折，生命愈灿烂……"
这些日子，从朋友们参加的歌唱比赛和自己参与的比赛中，我似乎领悟了一个道理。其实在人生的道路上，并无竞争者除了
自己。比赛的意义是来衡量自己的进度。与其与对手比高下，不如和自己比。人生的过程中必须寻找一次又一次的突破，
唯有不断的和自己竞争，才能屡次得到突破。在比赛的过程中，你是否会因为得到别人评出来的胜利而满意，或是因为
你不断努力要战胜自己而满意胜过了当初的自己？想当初，假如爱因斯坦为了战胜别人而发明，他发明出来的东西只
会是比别人好"一些"的作品。但他明白必须战胜自己，所以才能发明出当时没人会想到的伟大发明。他持续不断的要突破
自己，胜过自己，才会不断发明一件又一件的物品和知识。如果他只想战胜别人，他只会停留在发明一两件伟大的作品，
因为这样他已比别的科学家略胜一筹。总的来说，要发挥一个人真正的潜能，就要不断的和自己比赛，无需管是否胜了
其他人，努力寻求突破自己。这样一来，比赛的结果以不重要，因为你已尽力突破自己。真正的失败来自于过不了自己的
这一关。
许多人经常会为我学习的进展感到惊讶（除了学业以外 haha)，常问为什么我会在如此短的时间,进步神速？当时我并不
知道，我已在执行以上的人生道理。谁说要一年才能得到黑带？谁说我一个初学者不能打败一个武林高手？是谁说要几
个月才能学会书法？这些都是被世人摄下的框框，因为他们不是和自己比而是和别人比。我现在才真正明白，真正想通
为什么俗话说“最大的敌人就是自己”。 我好庆幸有朋友们的存在，从他们的人生经历中，我学到了好多东西。他们应该
没想到，输了比赛落下的泪，会让我因为不忍心看到那双眼睛流泪，想安慰她，启发到我对人生的思考，领悟出了一个很重要
的道理。老天是否是要让他们来提醒我，我应该找回当初想突破自己的意志力，不要再虚度人生？
泰安！人生愈经挫折，生命愈灿烂，不要被挫折让你停了脚步，沉沦其中！继续找寻属于自己灿烂的人生吧！幸福虽然本来不属于你，
但也许了解人世间的悲痛，经历无数挫折，是上天最好的恩赐。顿时觉得自己好伟大！
大家放心去飞扬吧！天塌下来我也会为您顶着，不用怕，就算剩最后一口气我也会用躯体来扛……您愿意相信我吗？
11:52 p.m. Saturday, September 16, 2006
我错了……
从前，我经常会想，为什么从来没有女孩子爱过我。我很羡慕也很渴望被女孩子欣赏和被他们爱。但是直到今天，我才发现被爱并没那么幸福。
我犯了一个错，无法原谅的错，现在十分痛苦与难受。我好自责。
因为我的一时好玩，伤害到了三个人。 滥用了一个好女孩对我的好感，应为想拥她那俏丽的躯体，让她喜欢上我。我碎了她的心，也碎了一段美好的感情。我从来没有忘记过我对自己的承诺，也没忘记对爱的执著。 但是我偏偏一时的好玩，让一个我根本不会有感情的女生爱上我，也可能害到一个可能成为美好的婚姻伴侣感情破裂。她是有男朋友的。
就当我后悔时，告诉了她我以上的想法，跟她说我其实并没我当时所说的爱她，也不可能喜欢上她，而单单只是应为她的美丽才让她以为我也爱着他。但是，但她告诉我，她已无可自拔深深的爱上了我时，我才觉悟我闯了大祸。她并不想接受我的说法，说她知道我其实也是深爱着她，只是不想影响她和他男朋友的感情才这么说。 咳！我到底该怎么做呢？我越说真话，她就越爱我。叫我如何是好呢？我好恨我自己，好讨厌自己，这样的糟踏了她这样一个女孩。 因我一是好玩错误的决定，害到三个人的生活一团糟。
老天请你教我，我该怎么做才能收拾这个惨剧呢? 祸是应我而起, 就应该由我解决，但是我到现在已经没辙了。我已经伤害了她。我知道思念的滋味，我知道爱人而不被爱的痛苦，我了解也能体会你的痛，也收到从你破碎的心传出的一颗颗热泪，但是请原谅我决定不再与你联络或对你保持冷淡，因为为了不让你在受伤害， 时间久了你自然会忘了我。 我也知道时间不会让人不痛，时间只是让你习惯了痛 …… 但是现在这个方法应该是将你和他的伤害减到最低的出路吧。
我好痛恨我自己。我好失败。我已不能原谅自己了。好痛苦……
10:45 p.m. Sunday, September 10, 2006
Looming Shadow
It had almost been a year since that fateful accident. Its shadow still looms in everyone's head, especially my parents and myself. Oct 29th was the day I was supposed to be dead. But I escaped. I was giving a 2nd chance to live my life again. And memories of it, serves as a reminder for me, never to let go and give up on the will to survive. But I never could fulfil this. Once again, I had let go of my spirit.. Who will ever give me the courage and will to hold on ? pls help me the divine one ... i plead for salvation ...
01:02 a.m. Thursday, July 27, 2006
情网。。
我想我又不直觉的喜欢上了一个人 ... 是爱吗？还是被爱情冲昏了头？不能，我不能在越陷越深了。我想她的心已有所属了。我不知道，我似乎感觉到她的痛苦她的伤悲，想化解它不想再让本来属于她的幸福和快乐被残酷的现实夺走。我好笨，总是一厢情愿。未来将如何呢？不知道。当她在人生的道路找到方向勇敢往前走的那一天，就是我该离开的时候吧... 千言万语，担心或难过，却不敢说出口。我想我只是她生命中的一个过客吧，不能让她留恋的一个人。我想当我们告别时会是沉默悄悄的离去、还是带着祝福的微笑挥手告别，让眼泪流在心底? 现在也没多大的渴望，只想为她担忧为她烦恼紧紧相守直到她能摆脱烦恼，快乐幸福的走下去。她什么话都无需对我说，她的眼神以让我感受到了一切。就像她喜欢的一首歌 "今生注定" 说的一样，就让我来承受一切吧。。。我只能做的只有这样。当她不需要我在身旁时，我就会不知觉的离去 。。。爱情从来不属于我 。。。
10:35 p.m. Sunday, May 28, 2006
Motivation ...
Pain is only for a moment, glory is forever ...
10:08 p.m. Friday, May 19, 2006
囚禁的小鸟
被囚禁的小鸟只有一个很简单的渴望，心灵上的自由。但是脚上已有伤口，翅膀也已经断裂了。最可悲的是，虽然物质上的枷锁永远捆绑着它，但连它最想要的心灵解脱也遥不可及。有好多温柔的呼唤正在触摸它的心。就因为放不下这些和蔼可亲的声音，它仔细的聆听着，同时也让自己的心灵被铁链串入锁在万丈深渊。无奈，它已不想奢求什么了，生命早已从他的躯体溜走。。。
10:04 p.m. Monday, May 1, 2006
解脱 =)
撇着四年的心情终于揭开了。舒服多了。这是否象征了21岁的我应该踏出过去一切阴影，从新看这美丽的世界，过新的生活呢？除了爱情，其它问题真能如此容易解决吗？希望吧。。。
02:56 p.m. Friday, April 14, 2006
失望失落
果然，她还是忘了。。。在她生日那天，她说她一定会记得 4月12日。已经过了两天，结果还是连一句祝福也没机会从她嘴里听到。好失望。。。难道她是个说了就算的人吗？我不愿意相信。。。
01:11 p.m. Friday, April 14, 2006
痛苦。。。
这么多年了，为何还是如此的痛苦？有时真的好想结束这一切的一切。人生。何谓人生？是为了折磨我，看我是否能承受所有迎面而来的恶魔-（痛苦）吗？好难受。。。我不介意替世界万物受苦受难，让这世界无悲哀、但是为什么我牺牲了这么多却看不到它们好过一点？这是否就叫做无畏的牺牲？已经不知道如何在走下去了。好辛苦。。。我好痛。。。何时才能得到解脱？
12:56 a.m. Thursday, March 30, 2006
Tired.
Really tired of everything .. miserable yet helpless. tml will be diff. life is always liddat. this type of feeling dun last. laugh as u may, but feel the pain u felt long time ago on this date. tear my heart with a blade, let me feel the pain ..
02:11am --> y muz she appear again. but thank god she appeared. its a consolence given to me at my miserable time. and suddenly shes gone. watever. she's juz passing by. life is full pain and suffering. nothing else more.. i beg for more. let me endure. let me understand the pain and sufferings many ppl go thru. let me.
01:30 a.m. Tuesday, March 21, 2006
its been a long time. finally having a crush on someone else. hope it turns into love. nice gal she is.
01:43 a.m. Monday, March 13, 2006
Tired ...
Tired ...
01:57 a.m. Friday, February 24, 2006
A reason to why many ppl have wronged and took up a path of no return ..
Emptiness has caused many to take wrong paths, but has also enlightened many to understand and realise its preciousness. It is present in most ppl that isnt enlightened, yet it is almost untainable by those that seeks it as a form of enlightenment...
09:58 p.m. Tuesday, February 7, 2006
痛苦。。
谁又能够知道当我真正伤心悲痛得受不了时才会装作异常兴奋和开心，跟何况是她。以为她能发觉到我在笑容低下隐藏的痛苦，要求我对她倾诉，但是。。。
今天的夜晚好辛苦，悲伤心痛与无奈折腾着我让我无法入眠。连暂时睡觉忘掉烦恼都做不到，我还能如何？今天的悲伤好极端，快让我无法呼吸了。
11:03 p.m. Wednesday, January 18, 2006
痛苦。。。原来我并没那么坚强。。。
看了呈现在眼前的回忆录，感觉好辛苦。为什么回想开心的过去时光会让我万分的感伤呢？曾经尝试忘掉，也以为已经忘掉了摆脱了，但是我刚刚才发现我做不到。。。好想。。不想。。好想。。不想。。
11:26 p.m. Thursday, December 22, 2005
相信奇迹。。。有缘相识。。。
原来时间是没有意义的。就算你成了僵尸，过着长生不死的日子，一样是寂寞一生。
到时的痛苦比死更加难受。反而短暂的相遇，还可以让人死而无憾。
答应我，一起忘掉这个世界有时间的存在，忘记生离死别，甚至生命的长短。
我们要做的就是珍惜现在。就算下一秒是世界末日，只要这一秒还没来到，那就不是事实。
事实只有一个，就是这一刻我们还在一起。。。
10:15 p.m. Sunday, December 18, 2005
摘星
已经好几年了，我终于能看到“摘星”这部戏。记得好几年前，大概是三年又半个月前吧，看到网络上有一部连续剧的Flash动画，名字就叫“摘星”。那时生活十分不如意，十分痛苦。而就在当时认识了一位女孩，刚好和我相反，又开朗又幸福。可能是渴望向往那种无忧无虑自由自在的幸福生活吧，对这位特别的女孩产生好感。她的出现就好像片里的剧情所描述一样，在乌黑的天空上，有一颗最美最闪耀的星星，而星星就属于幸福星雨系。好想把星星摘给她，让它守护着她。但若摘下了这颗星，它是否还会闪烁着？不久前，爱着她我选择坦然对待。但是，我终于明白，她就像划过天边的流星一样，只能在那瞬间为她许愿，不能舍不得，必须放手祝福她。伸手摘星未必如愿，看着她所拥有的幸福快乐，深深爱着她的我，只能选择放手祝福她。希望她多年以后还是一颗发出幸福光芒的星，继续照亮她身边的人。。。
但“摘星”这词，多年后的今天又在次出现，是否在我想放弃追她时呼吁我继续努力摘星给她？不知道心好乱好乱。现在生活又出太多问题了，等着我去解决克服，我只好把对她的爱恋暂时收藏心底。。。
虽然我知道她不可能喜欢我，也不可能和我在一起会开心，但只想用所剩下的力气去保护她，默默为她祈祷。因为只有她开心幸福的笑容才能让我感到平安。。。
12:35 a.m. Tuesday, December 6, 2005
好笨好笨的一个灵魂，为何不干脆去死 ？hahaha ..
听说了一个故事，觉得那人真愚蠢，真笨. 故事是这样写着 ==> 他用尽全力放弃生命，自甘堕落，只为了让大家了解生命的存在价值。结果无人能明白，受苦的是自己 。。
11:51 p.m. Sunday, December 4, 2005
very troubled, let me think it out ...
its exactly one month in 3 days time. losing the feeling of accident already, cant seem to feel. cant understand too much any more. nvm. let nature take its course, i have to refer to previous entries that jot down wat i understand from that crash bah. dunno. sometimes i am very afraid and scared of myself. sometimes understand too much, very frightening and uneasy. on the other hand, know too little, yearn to know more, understand more le then become uneasy. weird paradox? dunno. Maybe juz follow the principles of life and carry on bah, maybe pretending to be innocent sometimes might be a bliss... very troubled, let me think it out ...
12:43 a.m. Saturday, November 26, 2005
只想拥有一段爱与奇迹的故事...
如果我们的相遇让你等待、思念、悲伤或哭泣，那我宁愿我们从没认识过。。。 我只希望你幸福快乐。。。
in the end, i still believe in true everlasting love. although they werent together, but they are on the same pathways, someday miracles might happen, and love shall find its place ... =)
farewellz ... byebye .. todae shall be my last day "pestering" her ... hope she comes online around this time .. i shall wait ... =)
(edited 12.49am)din get to see her online after a long wait ... never maybe its fate bah .. ... nvm ,shall take my leave le.. as above miracles might happen =) , i hope ...
11:47 p.m. Friday, November 18, 2005
amazing !
wow .. i juz dun understand why everytime i talked to her, i come to understand a lot of philosophies in life. she triggers my thought and run wild on thinking about philosophies of life. maybe coz i want to advise her so that she is all happy and blissful in life ? but she already know everything i know. maybe only that she doesnt know i like her. maybe i'm less intelligent. nvm , todae's philosophy goes
"only when u feel wat ur heart says, things surrounding u will become true, and thus there is no fear .. =) "
12:43 a.m. Thursday, November 17, 2005
LifeTIME ..
life is a process. the sad thing is, theres life cannot
restart again, the happy thing is life needs no turning back. even if theres still one day left b4 u die,
u still have to live the day very meaningfully.
god gives everyone the same amount of time, but the results depends all on how one grasp them .. maybe except me, everyone thinks he/she has lots of time bah .. i want to be good to the one i treasure, becoz i'm scared, sometime or maybe soon i will leave them ... dun let anyone wait anymore, go back to ur heart and do wat it tells u .. only then, life is ticking away meaningfully ...
12:51 a.m. Wednesday, November 16, 2005
philosophies, truths i come to understand these days ...
only when i feel , things surrounding me become true ..
if dreams shall all come true one day, will u still remember the times that u once strive to keep dreams alive?
y does stealing away one's heart costing more pain is not punishable by law yet stealing physical things is a crime ?
love is only blissful when one loves oneself frist b4 loving others, loving others without loving oneself first will only bring pain and sacrifices. being in love shouldn't involve sacrifices, only then will pure love be carefree. maybe love is painful when there is need to endure, need to wait, pain and unhapiness, urge to cry, yet unable to leave. to fall in love, u are juz helpless to wat it brings, but u choose to love ... if she believes in you, believe in her. sometimes if u really love someone, set her free, let her be independent. when she needs u, be there for her ...
learning to foget can bring u happiness. Forget = face, accept, overcome and let go.
the process of wanting something very simple is diffult and complicated ... isnt it so for pursuing love, freedom and happiness ?
we are always stuck at deciding wat's right and wrong, there is no right and wrong, look forward, move on ..
dont care where i reach on my journey, but only care for who's accompanying me thru the journey...
dont say sorry, only thank you ...
maybe she is the only one who is able to make me truly happy, coz she is happy herself ...
let me lie down and watch the sky, i'm tired ...
10:22 p.m. Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Dun worry, i'm only creating a false image of me. the real me is only a bad guy...
sunrise, so beautiful ... mountains, stars, greenery, snow. Dream ..
been thinking about life once again, due to too much time doin basically nothing. it's quite different from last time when i used to think about life. in the past, i used to have great ambitions, ambitions like saving the world. but for now, its different. as i grow older, i come to understand, powers are limited. the world goes round, moves round, even without me or with me. everything goes in a cycle. life is always sadz. sadzness always make me realise more and more things, sadness makes me feel. i once lose a life. that accident. Life's a totally diff meaning for me now. Treasure, i only walk thru this life once, and it will end, when it ends, its empty , know nothing feel nothing. Now, present moment is wat is important. U feel this very moment, only once.
I'm scared , afraid ... i'm afraid of losing things forever. for in this world, i'm alone. scared of loneliness. yes ppl might say, i am strong, i achieve wat i sets my mind to, i fight, without fear. yes. in martial arts , yes i hold no fear even though i know i am weak. But why ? Why fear appears, when its about sentimental feelings ? I don't want to depend, coz tthings that u depend on can be lost forever. face things with bravery. yes , but y issit that in front of my heart deep down inside , when facing my feelings, I'm shaking inside ? I'm scared .. scared of getting into love coz i'm scared of losing it. I'm a fool. I know the rule , follow ur heart , but why can't i ? No one knows me. yes, i cant cry, tears have dried long ago. I'm metal. Ppl depend on me. I cant fall. I cant cry. But deep down, how many times have my heart cried in real agony and sadness ? no one understands me. i Dun blame ppl for not understanding me, coz in fact, its not their responsibility to understaand me. But i yearn , yearn for a special one, one that care for, one that really wants to understand.
Its been years, and i have forgotten wats the real feel behind a hug. I havent hug a human for years. yes, it may be too foolish to want something like a hug. but i do want a real hug. say , talk and communicate might bring u a lot of joy, but to me , true joy is brought about by a real hug. hugging beats all talk. juz like i want red eggs on my birthday, coz it means a lot to me. but years, i get none.
maybe i'm insecure, dunno. I'm real tired sometimes, but i will hold on.. all these times, all these years, i always take the role of caring for others, trying to understand others, trying to help others , trying to be someone that others depend on. But who in this world knows deep down inside my heart, it craves a reversed role once in a while ... at the moment of despair and sadness in the matters of heart, i'm only but a baby. but not to worry, i will hold on to the role that ppl can rely on and depend on as long as there are ppl who needs me, i wont fall. all these deep down feelings and the reversed role, for most time of my life, they are locked inside. locked inside a safe place. only at times when i really cant fight my feelings, deep down feelings unlock and take over me.
will i ever be in love with one who really love me ? to date, i get no answers. Its me who fall in love, never will one fall in love with me. Until now, 20 years, never anyone. being together seems difficult. i live my life to be in a drama, an ou xiang ju. i dream. and i want to live my life a dream. but who will think like me ? humans all live in the real world. money goes round. yes, i will work for the better life of ppl who is close to me. i will earn big bucks. but is that really wat you want in life ? that isn't wat i really pursue. my ultimate goal ... i want to live my life a dream. i waant to feel, to understand every moment, every phase of life. will she like me ? i have a picture , a drawn picture. in the picture, a boy and a girl, sitting on a hilltop watching the night sky that is filled with stars. Its snowing ...
Its my dream, to live life this way ... stay and accompany me anyone ... i'm cold and lonely .. will she like me? Nvm if she doesnt.I only need her to be around ,happy and blissful, she doesnt have to like me .. its okay .. The sun is setting ...
12:07 a.m. Sunday, November 13, 2005
Accident
It was 29 oct 2005, 2+ am. Never reached the destination. All happened to fast. Was goin slow coz near junction. It was green. Juz halfway thru the junction, a car struck me from the right. I was knocked and flew off my bike onto the road, while my passenger was still on the bike for a while b4 he landed on the ground. Helmet windscreen crashed, half of my face is wounded. gone case. Head knocked to heavily, concussion. Hands both scratched on the road. Leg both wounded heavily. Witness said i was lying on the road non-moving and non-talking. Driver alighted , watched at my motionless body and said " Shit ! Why din i see ... ?". My passenger was near the other side of road. His hands had successfully saved his face, but his leg is heavily wounded from the bang. His leg fractured, and something wounded him deep inside his leg and keena his artery. Blood flowed non-stop. Still concsious , he shouted to the driver to call ambulance and only then did the driver do as told. He reported "one casualty" to the ambulance hotline, my passenger shouted and scolded him and told him it was 2. Coz the driver only saw my motionless body and tot my passenger fren was ok. Driver disappeared from passenger's sight once he called ambulance. Some guy, supossedly driver's passenger, went over to my passenger and said "sorry, my fren din see". Ambulance came, still my body is motionless. Paramedics came and did everything to save me and my passenger inside the ambulance. my whole body wounded covered in blood. Only in the ambulance, my fren then notice i started toking. i was mumbling that i was cold. very cold. paramedics and passenger thought that i was dying, keep speaking to me, keeping me awake while on the journey to hospital. reached hospital, pushed to A & E departmentment.
only then was i awaken from my subconcious mind. Still a bit unclear, only saw doctors moving towards and away from me. dunno wats happenning. their saving me. Pushed me inside some movie like thing. it was a brain scan. then pushed me into lots of x-ray positions. in the end both cleared. my brain nothing wrong. bone still all intact. Result was only lots of superficial abrasions on my bodies. was warded. I fell asleep. Suddenly woke up. Saw myself in ward, could't remember a thing. feels like i'm dreaming. tried to sleep again. But i awake in ward again. I wasn't dreaming. First thing came to my mind was wat happen to me, why am i in hospital. Then i remember, I was riding my fren home. wheres my fren ? i was frantic. Grab nurses that pass by, ask where my fren. None knew. Did they not wat to tell me or is my fren dead ? are they avoding my question? In the end , hours after, they told me my fren is in operation, opertaion for his leg. Thank god. hes alive.
called my home, told mum was in hospital. She's been worried coz she cant contact me for the past few hours. shocked that i'm in hospital. whole family came hours later. To their horror , to see me, lying on bed, bed bloodied. half the face in wounds and pusses. Unable to twist and turn, unable to walk. Injuries all over my body. for me, nothing but pain. for visitors, nothing but sympathy.
Dun worry, law will prosecute the driver that hit me.
i cant bike anymore. No regret, I'm a biker. ( to be continued...)
11:43 p.m. Fridaty, November 4, 2005
幸福难给，快乐难收，尽力就好...
我终于结束了三年半以来的苦苦等待。勇气来了，我尽力了。不知道未来如何。只想把幸福给她，把星星摘给她，把整个夜空给她，把自由给她，等待只给自己。
幸福难给，快乐难收，尽力就好...
=) Don't take things too serious ... sometimes relac and smile ... everything will be a breeze ... even if u fail .. its ok ... coz its life ... =)
10:59 p.m. Monday, October 24, 2005
Emptiness remains ...
I find that I can't really sing ... Can't .. really can't sux ... ruins everything. Issit gonna be a long wait ? want to end it ... tired .
10:13 p.m. Monday, May 2, 2005
Sn0w AnGel ...
Theres too much depressing and painful memories, often think that if could forget everything in the past, then maybe blissfulness wont be so unreachable.
To cry when sadz is wat humans are entitled to. Meaning u are still alive, able to feel the pain, also meaning that ur heart isn't entirely dead.
i've since lost the ability to cry ...
12:51 a.m. Monday, February 21, 2005
s60
just wanna take down this beautiful piece of writing by junyi. that exactly writes out how i feel. my english not good enuf to put to words. thanks junyi.
Quoted :
"As much as we maintain it's us doing them the favour :p, I guess it's just us ineffectually trying to grasp on to remnants of the wonderful past, attempting to make sense of why, how and what the strong feeling a-welling within was, and relive our faded orientation through theirs. To help preserve their memories as much as it does for us. Kids who've outgrown their playground but still stay behind, swinging on the illfitting swing, sliding through tight slides and seesawing on the creaking seesaw... and attempting to have another slice of the fun pie again; yet feeling like a misplaced jigsaw piece at the same time."
" .. singing/screaming his voice off during the mass song sessions, dancing through the eternal surreal stream of memories suffused in the atmosphere of beat-laden music, and loud heartfelt cheering for the HC ideal, the vision of the forgotten but oh-do-beautiful school, the school spirit... alongside with the gentle crackling of flames, as the various burning faculty avatars sway gently in the night zephyr, mirroring the burning away of sorrows and tears of the past year; through fire and water, winds and waves people are bonded~ they reaffirm their beliefs, visions, and hopes all together .."
02:00 a.m. Monday, January 10, 2005
An Entry to Future Me
it was a dark and lonely nite, everything was perfect, the scene, the background music, the
stormy and rainy whether, the lightning, the dim room. Images of my times in hwachong kept
flowing back to my mind again. Again and again, dunno how many times, countless. Closed my
eyes, dunno how long went by, it juz felt like a dream, a long long long dream that i cant
seem to get out of. pain misery and agony, its been liddat for years. Years, and yet the
pain is so vivid. like a sword piercing thru ur heart. thats only a feeling, a sensation,
a worldly one, one i ought to let go of, to leave behind. No one seems to understand y it
cant be done, y not. let me tell u why, coz u hadnt experience wat i gone thru in my life,
u wont know. maybe a little , not all. as my life philosophy says, "only thru experiencing
the pain and sufferings of ppl will u be able to understand and alleviate their misery."
No one understands me, coz i dun want others to understand. once u understand u feel the
same amount of pain and misery, experience the way i feel. but no, this type of suffering
is eternal, y let another endure the pain then? had a good fren in army, lives the same
life story as me. toked about our lives in the guardroom, Family, Finance, Love and Friends.
countless. i knew he could understand, coz he could feel the misery too, he eyes turned red,
and tears drop. then on, i knew, my problems cant be told, i need to solve them alone, cant
let more ppl engage in sadness and pain. i can receive no help, only myself. thats wat
makes me a man, give me my life.
Very scattered entry, dunno wat entry am i writing, future me, if u see this, hopes it
brings u back to ur senses and feelings that u had in the past, if u had been unfeeling and
cold now.
01:13 a.m. Monday, January 10, 2005
Livin' Only Once
juz watched an episode of battle royale. all in all it was sick and bloody. but theres a
real meaning behind it. The story begins when a class of students had to kill each other
to win the battle royale game and leave the deserted island. one scene was that a guy,
was looking for a gal. but she killed him. only juz b4 he died did she know that the guy,
actually was looking for her to save her and protect her, coz he loved her.
she cried," why? ... Why ? ... y did u never tell me ... ? why ??? .. although we were
classmates but u never even talked to me. why only tell me now ? boohooohooo .. =`(
guy , in pain, " uhhhh .......".
then he dropped dead.
wat do we learn from here ? u only live once. never take the chance, its gone 4ever. life's
as cruel as the killing. coz when everything's gone, u cannot turn back, only to regret
tat u never treasured the chance and never lived life to the fullest. so go on and tell
those persons that u treasured and love, let her know ur love, and dun live in regret coz
u might not have the chance to let her know at all in the future. Dun be afraid of being
rejected, coz at least u will have no more regrets and u had done wat u wanted to do.
There's nothing to lose. only chances to gain. trust me... u have only have one life to live,
dun let it float away in regret ...
03:25 a.m. Saturday, December 4, 2004
Reminder.
dun feel like blogging now. no feeling at the moment. will blog about my experience as a pillion rider behhind an experienced biker racing recklessly along busy roads. the power of speed.
10:16 p.m. Saturday, December 4, 2004
Country Music, Country Lyrics, Country Stories : The Experiences of Life and A Spur of Feelings ...
sitting by the side of the road in the middle of nowhere. dont know where i'm goin but i
hope i know it when i get there. and how this story ends, only heaven knows. angels
sometimes make mistakes, as u will see, so do i. one of these days i'll find true love,
learn how to say 'No'. where was my angel then ? only heaven knows ...
i'm glad to live my life this way : i wake up in the morning, i walk out on the streets.
and my face lights up with all the
smiles of all the frens i need, but my life's incomplete. I dont need no heartache, i dun
feel no pain and; i dun feel those angry souls that are standing in the rain. and my life's
peaceful once again ... and i wake myself up, and i take a look around, theres not much i
can take, theres no one here to say its true by anyway. my day and nite is juz about the
same, i think i'll juz call in rain. I'm glad to live my life this way, to find the
sweetest eyes i've ever seen and let the sun breakthrough. the wind is blowing now, and
it comes down so cold ...
hope summer time's coming. maybe i'll wait a long long time. winter will u go, will u go ...
all around the birds are dying, trees are crying tears of leaves. i hope i wont grow old
together with winter and darkness.
why do i fall, where do i go, my heart is dying, inside i'm cryin. Illusions, Fantasies,
paradise ? a weary heart that lived a million lies. fantasies are illusions that we created
, fantasy becomes reality or reality becoming fantasy. dreams do come true u know ...
i'm still young, young, yet so old. to live would be an awfully big adventure. everything u hope
for, everything u need, u go through this adventure, to live and to experience it. so why
wait ? do wat u want, take up the adventure, which may turn to be an adventure of fantasy
that u always dreamed of. rough, tough, hard or painful, the journey had to be made.
like riding a motorcycle, ur riding down a clear road, tank full of gas, no where in
particular to go with the whole day ahead of you, you smell the countryside/mountains/fresh
rain/forest/ocean/hay as you pass, the sun shining down with the wind at your back.
You can choose to go down any road that you want, hit the twisties, cruise the super-slab
or explore that small town ahead... That feeling is freedom, and an extremely addictive one.
one which i cant get from driving cars carefully and stopping all the time to make decisions
to enter the politically correct route of life.
Thats the reason too, y i love motorcycling. it fulfils my senses, my needs of freedom. to
free a mind in chaos, and to free a dark and evil soul.
Sight: The roads, the scenery, the horizon stretching in front of you...
Smell: The countryside, mountains, fresh rain, forest, ocean, hay...
Sound: The rumble of the engine, the wind whizzing by, nature...
Touch: The control of the machine, the feel of being part of everything around you and not just driving though...
Taste: The dust in the air, the sweetness of fresh rain...
I'm gonna live my life, i'm gonna be who i am. This is where i stand ... Just the shoreline,
time has changed me too. i just go back to the ocean to see the line that i drew back then ... back then ...
11:41 p.m. Tuesday, November 30, 2004
Fierce Biking ... Speed Rush ...
I'm now living in a whole new environment, a whole new part of the world i hadn't seen b4. too rough, too noisy, too Unpeaceful.
Been doin nothing real lately, its been revolving between motorbikes, drinking, clubbing, billards and no studying except for theory papers of class 3 liscence.
its not like b4, my world now dun revolve around martial arts, jamming, music and sports anymore. now, its only unhealthy activities ...
taking advance theory(final theory) test on december 16. still hoping i can get my class 3 soon enuf so that i can get my class 2B goin. I'm crazy about bikes now. YZR-M1 valentino rossi's rides my fav. Bikes first sparked my interest when my fren took me home on a bike (ermz, scooter). but nonetheless it was a whole new experience from sitting in a car. slowly slowly, it further developed when i rode a skipper(auto-cvt) round and round the camp. up the hill and down the slope. exciting. especially when it gains speed. began to ride on the roads, tried a lot of whole new things, without a proper liscence YET. u know when riding inside a car goin at 100km/h u wont feel the speed, but its totally diff when u are on the bike. u feel the wind, u feel the speed, u feel rush ... i'm really bent on getting a bike after a brush of death with a manual geared 200cc bike, dunno wat model its called, but looks like a CBR.
The whole incident took place like this :
was doin guard duty, that time was prowler 3-4, start of first prowl. done 303, went to 202. reached 202 after climbing up the hill near the mandai columbarium. found xingli washing his bike there. since still has sometime to rest, and since i never rode a bike with manual gears, i decided to put my things in the guardroom and borrow his bike to ride ... suprisingly he lent me wihtout a-do. dunno why, coz he tot since i had rode skipper b4, should be no problem. so had a five minute crash course from him on clutching in and changing of gears. no long, i was off and away happily riding the bike round and round the place and conering at the small and narrow roundabout. did not have the speed to change gear, so stayed with gear 1 all the way. but wat an experience. so diff was the experience from previously riding a scooter. its a real bike now, where i can ride with such stability and ease. but its fucking heavy .. had to slant it so much during conering such that it gives me the feeling of a professional bike racer . hahaha. dream on. went on my first round, 2nd round, 3rd round ... with each round slowly increasin my speed and slanting more and more during conering around the roundabout.then it came. the 4th round. the kerb on the side of road seems to come nearer and nearer. in that instand, i know i wouldn't be able to pass and turn effectively to avoid brushing the kerb. still slanting , decided to jam the break to save my life. couldnt think wat would happen if i brushed the kerb or fly off it and down the hill. i guess i would say bye bye to the world if i flew off the bike and down the hill. but however, although it was lucky or me to jam the break, but due to the hard jamming of break while slanting at steep angle doing the corner, i couldn't lift the vehicle back to the vertical position and caused it to fall. shouldnt have "buang" it, but was too heavy .. lost support and it fell to the ground. had a few small scratches, a crooked signal light and a bent kick start lever. all my frens there were stunt, including xingli who was sad about his bike landing in this state. wanted to pay him back the full amount of repair, but instead he only wanted me to pay half as he said he already scratched the motor b4 and bent the lever b4. so he only decided to leave the almost small and invisible marks alone and juz change the lever which cost $32. lucky the brush marks were small, or else the amount could reach to 300 -400 dollars for spray paint. feel embarrassed and paisehz. felt bad about it the whole day. but after a few days, my crave for bike riding came again. if not for parental disapproval, i would have got a proper liscence by now. hope wat my mum said was true. after my class 3 then i can tok about my class 2B. but i guess its juz pure crap to keep me away from pestering them about me learning class 2 vehicles.they loathe the idea of it cuz they afraid of the dangerous-ness of bikes. i am not afraid. why should they ? i know its for my own good. but i only wanted a scooter for safe and cheap transport to and fro places i go. saves time and money and its cheap. why not ? ( but i guess the overwhelming need for speed will drown all this crap. ... hahaha) ... A motorbike is juz too diff from a bicycle ...
oh yeah ... here is a picture of my dream bike (3rd genetration YZF-R1 and 2005 YZF-R6 respectively)
 
09:07 p.m. Tuesday, November 23, 2004
Hope is only an illusion, Eternal is my pain ...
a video, jeremy hor production. a memory of 2 years. i dunno wat to say. left me in tears,
pain and agony, a re-enactment of the exact feeling i had on the day i know i have to leave.
Its been 3 years , and i still cannot let go . i cant , coz it hurtz and some
things u just cant let go. i just cant. its for eternity. the pain never heals . no .
i'm living with this unbearable agony for years now . maybe thats the reason i cant find
peace, the reason i still let loose myself in the dark side. to runaway. runaway from
the misery that i had carried for so long .so long .... a man shouldn't cry , no ...
i cried not of physical pains , not of blood , but of mental agony and miserable feelings
many say they understand. many say to let go. move on. but dun they understand it cannot be
done. it can never be done.it can only be forgotten temporarily, it stays forever, it can
never leave .. no one can ever understand unless u are me. life's sadz ... remember the times
... remember the times ... remember the times .. i miss .. i love ... s60 .. how much fun
memorable times i never will get to experience becoz i had to leave.
i can never
forget, wat i had to let go, but cant .....................
11:04 p.m. Sunday, November 21, 2004
Alone in the Perfect Storm
had this surge of feelings ... decided to blog once again after dunno how many years since i last typed an entry ... maybe when i grow older and left the dark for the bright ... this blog could bring back some outrageous memories of my youth ...
listening to songs ... in certain environment can really bring to life some past memories ... juz woke up ... feeling quiet and peaceful ... its been long since i feel peaceful ... maybe the feeling is strong becoz its in contrast to yesterday's event. My life had been that or a degraded teen, where fires rage inside, creating storms and storms of dark clouds in my mind, heart and soul. In short, life's outrageous, noisy, dark and evil ... a diff type of life from the schling days. extreme difference ... one on the good side .. the other belonging to the evil and dark side ... miss those days back in sch . dun think will have a chance to study again. those days of peace are gone ... now i can only hear noise .. and more noise .. and even louder noises ... my mind cant rest ... its getting on my nerves ... dark coulds gather, thunders strike, whirlwind blows ... its a perfect storm. a storm of unrest, that had gone out of control.
how many ppl like me have the 'previlage' of living two extreme sides of life ? how many ... ? i must get myself out of all this ... soon ... find my peace .... peacefulness ... quietness ... calmness ..
04:47 p.m. Sunday, November 21, 2004
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